[All photos in this post where taken by Huong Nguyen of Heartlab Co. at Vista Hermosa Park]

I read the email four times and before it turned into a fifth, I closed my laptop.

I was livid and I was over it…

The email was a notification to let me know that I had not received the job I applied for. While I made it to the second round of interviews and had all the qualifications they were looking for, I just “was not the best candidate for the role”. The job in which I was overqualified for, in the company I currently work for, was now telling me I wasn’t good enough. I was pissed.

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I wasn’t mad because I didn’t get this job, I was mad because after all the countless interviews I’ve been on I didn’t get another job. I was laid off over a year ago from a job that I valued and was nervous about getting depressed throughout this new job hunt. I’ve worked since I was sixteen and often held two jobs and once had three jobs during my masters program (still graduated with a 3.70 GPA). I’ve always worked for a company and feared the unpredictability of working for myself so to me a job was essential. I love contributing to something, the security, the paycheck, and not having to pay for health insurance. Fast forward to getting laid off in 2017 I hoped to land something full-time and quickly. The universe would later reveal that I wouldn’t.

Instead, what I got was a part-time job that pays well, but doesn’t come with much consistency. Knowing that, I applied to jobs internally and externally more aggressively than before. I put my game face on, kicked my confidence up a notch and went into every office excited about the opportunity. Only problem, just like my Tinder account, no one wanted me.

I was told my degree was too high, my degree wasn’t right, you have too much experience, you don’t have this kind of experience. It didn’t take long for me to feel like putting on makeup was pointless, that driving back and forth was a waste of gas, and that the words I was saying in the oval conference room with a view was going in one ear and out the other. And the sad part was I was right. Each interview was only followed by rejection that never got easier. I couldn’t become numb to the fact that I got my hopes only to be overlooked time after time. Sure I would get back up and try again, but there was something gut-wrenchingly debilitating about having to go back to the drawing board that was so conveniently located at square one.

Not too long ago I had an interview and before I got ready, I took a moment and stopped.

I had an honest look at the constant rejection and had to think that there was a reason for it. One interview after the next and one rejection after the other was starting to seem like the universe was trying to tell me to direct my attention to what I had asked to have. Since starting this website I prayed that one day I could turn it into something I can live off of. How I would get there would be on faith and gumption alone. In spite of those prayers and those wishes being said while holding my breath driving through tunnels (am I the only one who does that?), I couldn’t take my eye off of what was consistent: the workforce. It didn’t take too many more failed interviews for me to question if all this continued rejection was me failing at something I wasn’t supposed to be going after to begin with. That’s when I heard a whisper say, “You can’t win running two races at the same time”.

With that revelation I sat in the quiet of my room with God with one thing to say. “If I don’t get this job, I will focus on this website and all the things I want to do with it. I will do everything that makes me happy in this space. I will write more, create videos, be expressive, travel, and just live on my own terms with You guiding me each step of the way.” Sure I could apply to jobs when I wanted and pick up freelance gigs, but I wouldn’t take my focus off of my blog. I got up, went to the interview, killed it, and waited.

A week passed and I sat reading an email for the fourth time and before it turned into a fifth, I closed my laptop.
I was livid and I was over it…and I remembered what I asked God.

I then I booked a ticket to Stockholm, Sweden.

From the end of April to early May I will take a leap to do what I love in a place I don’t know. I’ll enjoy the moment, blog about the experience, and make moves that only have my future in mind. It’s a short amount of time in the grand scheme of my life, but right now it’s the most important. It’s single step in the direction of the unknown and I’m willing, excited, and nervous to unequivocally follow my gut.